We Just Keep Trying
by lil'mousie323
Summary: This is my take on how Henry and Elizabeth may have been "behind the scenes" in Unity Node. Yes I did use a lot from the episode, but it helps build the story. I hope you enjoy, and as always reviews and comments are always appreciated


_Look, I Love you, but I can't talk about this right now, I'm afraid I might say something I can't take back_ **.**

Henrys words haunted her, she knew he was understandingly upset, the look in his eyes haunted her as well. She didn't have too much time to sit and think about this as she had been called back to work to deal with the current situations with the Space Station and also finding the Ukrainian responsible for the assassination of Maria Ostrova. How she longed for the days when she and Henry could actually talk through their issues, together as a team, as THE team that they were.

Henry was so incredibly happy that she was alright, she was the love of his life after all, but he just couldn't talk to her. He knew her job had situations where their ethics were crossed and tested, this one situation though, he just couldn't get past it, not right now. "I love you, but I can't talk about this right now, I'm afraid I might say something I can't take back." He said it and he meant it, not knowing what he would say if she pushed him further, so to avoid her, he went to bed. Alone.

He laid in bed, tossing and turning, trying to sleep. Knowing she was hurting as well, and wanted to give him the space she knew he needed, he lay there trying to sleep. He couldn't stop thinking about how close they were to grabbing Dimitri, just seconds away! The more he thought about this and how President Dalton and Elizabeths one decision cost Dimitri his life, and how it caused him to fail at his one job, his one promise he had made to Dimitri, to keep him safe, he got angrier and angrier. He was glad Elizabeth decided to stay down stairs, he wasn't sure he really wanted to share the bed with her tonight. The only time they never slept together was when she was obviously traveling, and the NEVER went to bed angry, and NEVER without an "I Love You" or a kiss. It felt weird, he continued to toss and turn, the discussion with Talia haunting him. He finally gave up and looked at the clock: 2:45 am. Maybe she really was scared of upsetting him more so than what he was, so she decided to sleep down stairs on the couch.

Headed out of their bedroom, he noticed there was only a dim light coming from the kitchen. He expected to find her laying on the couch, but she wasn't there. He checked the office, no sign of her there either. Had he really driven her away? He talked a good talk, but thats all it was, he couldn't live with himself if he really did drive her away from him. Yes, he was angry with her, but she was still his heart, his world, his everything.

Heading back to the bedroom, he figured he may as well try to get a little more sleep, he did have to lecture after all. It was going to be hard, with Dimitris seat being empty and all. Settling into the empty bed, he was lonely, he grabbed his phone.

"Where are you?"

"Work"

"Oh"

They normally sent more than one word replies to each other, but it was just about 3am. He was slightly relieved she was working, or was she lying to him? Was she really just sleeping at the office, knowing it would be easier for her to get some sleep in another building, rather than downstairs on their couch, with him upstairs in their bed? His phone buzzed again:

"Do you need something?"

"No, just wondered where you were, since you're not in bed, or on the couch."

"Well, I'm working."

"You should get sleep, you are teaching in a few hours."

"I'm aware."

"Don't forget about Allys carnival."

Thats going to be fun, he thought to himself, as he set his phone on silent face down on the night stand. Settling under the covers he willed himself to sleep, for a few hours anyway.

She had been at work all night, not able to really think about Henry's remarks to her. Knowing they had the carnival at Allisons school shortly, she wondered how his attitude was going to be towards her. She was dealing with Jay and the Ukrainian mess when Blake interrupted them.

"Ma'am, you need to be at the school in a half hour" he said, knowing she didn't want to be there, and had been dealing so much with the mess from Russia."

"Crap!"

Sensing her panic, Blake held up a bag containing a change of clothes for her, she's been wearing the same clothes for almost two days now.

"It's like you're inside my head!" She exclaimed to him, grateful that he knew her so well, and she could trust him to have clothes ready.

"I'm on my way, be there soon, Love you." She texted him, wanting to let him know she in fact was keeping the deal and working at the carnival with him.

"I'm inside already, they gave us the cans game".

Reading his text as she was walking into the school she couldn't help but wonder if this was even worth it, being around him right now. They had to be there for Ally, so she decided to put up a good front, if not just for herself, but for the kids they would be interacting with at the booth. She knew as soon as she stood beside him this was not going to be fun. He didn't even look at her, barely mumbled "hi" to her as she greeted him. One of the kids had knocked down the tower of cans, as Henry was trying to set them back up one fell, causing him to have a little bit of an outburst. This of course was interrupted by Dean Ward…Elizabeth knew she needed to talk to Henry before things got worse, but wasn't sure how. Setting up the cans again, he grabbed the last one out of her hand, rather forcefully. She didn't like this one bit, so in turn she knocked down one of the cans, causing him to yell at her.

"Elizabeth!" he said with a sharp anger laced in her name.

"Henry! we need to talk" she spit out sternly, trying to get him to look at her.

"Okay are we talking counseling, lawyers, I need to know where we are at here." She spit out, in an exasperated desperate voice.

"Lawy…what are you talking about?!" he spat back at her.

"I need to know what it's going to take for us to get past this"

"Can I have five minutes to process this?! Or does that interfere with your schedule too?"

"Oh, thats not fair" _Henry what the hell is your problem! I'm trying to talk to you, I need you to talk to me, YOU need to talk to me. I understand what you are feeling, what you are going through, so please talk to me, she thought to herself. Why wont you talk to me she wondered, desperately clutching at straws to get her husband back._

 _"_ Look, I'm angry at you Elizabeth, I'm angry at Dalton, and I'm mostly angry at myself. I caused the death of that young man, I'm the one who wanted to bring him in, I saw from the first week in my class he was going to be a great asset. Now look at where it has gotten us."

"Henry, Dimitris service, your handling of him, it really did make a big difference. I know its hard right now to see, but it did."

She had wanted to continue their conversation, but in typical fashion Blake interrupted with new developments coming out of Ukraine. She had to get back to the office, meaning she would be shirking parental responsibilities of volunteering time at the school. At least she had been there for an hour, and Henry was staying, so its not like they were absent.

At the end of the day things had worked out on the international front, peace was going to resume between Russia and the US, all of the astronauts had been saved, and she even had time to sit on her couch and reflect over the past few days. Now the next problem at hand was in fact the one at home: Henry, should I let him simmer, give him more space, try to talk to him? Not knowing where to go with this, Blake had interrupted her thoughts with a message from the White House about the Ukrainians, she had agreed to the message, and then decided it was time to head home. While gathering her things she reminded Blake that the fact that peace was a beautiful thing, the journey to peace was complicated and messy.

"Good night Blake" she said to him, taking her things and heading out of the office, unsure of what things were going to look like when she finally walked into her house.

"Good night Ma'am" Blake replied, noticing her somber expression, one he had been noticing the past few days. It was rare for him to see her like this, the last time he did it was after Iran.

Standing in front of his students Henry went on about how plans go out the window when the first shots of war are fired. In this he had asked them what they thought about how the decisions of their leaders made worked out in this mess.

"How have my own decisions worked out? Would I still stand by them today?" he threw out at them, meanwhile looking at Dimitris empty seat. He couldn't think, couldn't lecture anymore and dismissed class. Sitting there as his students left he thought long and hard about his actions and decisions leading up to the events that had transpired, that moment was when he had it in his mind to let Jane know he was done. He couldn't do this, he wasn't the type to get involved then be okay when the outcome was death. Picking his things up he headed out the door to Allisons school. He wasn't sure how to deal with Elizabeth today, he knew she wanted to talk, HE wanted to talk, but he just wasn't ready. He had given her more than enough space when she had come back from Iran, he only hoped she would do the same for him.

Being there together with her at the school was anything but fun, she was trying hard to act normal, but he just couldn't. How could he act like everything was completely fine when it indeed wasn't. A young brilliant student was dead because of him, because of her, and this he just couldn't get past.

What the hell does she think she's doing?! "Elizabeth!" he hissed as she knocked one of the cans over, glaring at her.

"Henry, we need to talk" she spat back at him. He knew she was worried, and pushing his buttons was one way she showed it when he wouldn't let her in.

All the talk about lawyers and counseling and fitting in with her schedule had him livid, more so than he already was. _Why can't she just let me take the time I need to process all of this?! I'm angry at all the major players, Her, Dalton, myself. I just need to sort it out. I know she understands, she's been down this road before, but I just can't do this yet, not here, not now._

Thankfully for him they were interrupted in typical fashion, by Blake bringing her some urgent development. He left them alone and went back to the carnival. Not having any more classes he stayed after to help clean up and put things away, hoping to get on Dean Wards good side, or at least enough to let Allison be able to stay at the school. While doing all of this he finalized his decision that he, in fact, was going to quit his DIA job. Now all he had to do was let Jane know, and eventually Elizabeth.

"Henry, we're at the meeting spot, could you please stop by?"

Reading Janes text, he figured this was meant to be. Perfect, she wants him to stop by, perfect time to let her know his decision.

"Hey I got your text, what's up?" He asked walking into the room, noticing "Scooter" and the other guy in the room with her.

She had elaborated on how they had the news that the peace deal was still in the works. Scooter happened to chime in saying that the four of them in the room had as much to do with the deal as anyone else, drinking in celebration.

"Well anyone except the kid who's not here" He shot back at him. "Now that this is done, well, so am I" he expressed.

"its not quite that simple"

"Actually it is"

Why can't these people understand where I'm coming from, he wondered. He had it clue Jane in on the fact that flying combat was completely different than promising a kid he would keep him safe and bring him back, then having him get killed.

Taking a glass and filling it with a bit of amber liquid, he raised it a bit and said, "to quote our greatest president, "The world will little note, nor long remember what we said here, but we can never forget what he did here." with that he toasted to Dimitri, sat his glass down got up, and walked out.

Jane sat there, watching him leave. She knew what he was feeling, she had told him before she learned the hard way, and now he was in the same horrible position she had been in so many years ago. Do I tell him my experience, or do I let him go?

"Hey guys" Elizabeth greeted everyone, tiredly, as she walked in the door that night. She always loved coming home to the sight of her family sitting together on the couch, Henry between their two baby girls. It made her heart swell, it swelled with happiness and sadness all that the same time. Bending down to kiss Ally on the forehead she listened to the ramblings of how Henry had stayed late and helped clean up. She had gone over to give Stevie a peck on the head also, skipping over Henry, she went back to Ally still listening to their chatter. She had not wanted to make eye contact with Henry, not knowing how things would turn out if she did. She didn't want the girls to be caught in the cross fire if he happened to blow up at her again.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" Henry asked her, his eyes blinking a code they had come up with years ago, letting her know he needed this. She said nothing but followed him out the front door.

She had been surprised to learn he quit his DIA job, and was quite relieved when he said they didn't need to be talking to lawyers. She knew he didn't want this, nor did she, they were in this life together no matter how hard it gets between them, they always seem to come out on the other side, stronger than when they began.

"You're a good person Elizabeth, you tried your best, and so did it"

"But people still got hurt."

They had joked about her epithet, and as she clung tighter to his arm and he squeezed her hands in his, she asked "Now what?"

"We just keep trying our best" he said to her, looking into her sadly clouded blue eyes.

"Henry, Conrad said something to me tonight that I think you need to hear. He was telling me a story about when he was in active duty and his commander recommended him for a medal. He didn't want the medal, or feel like he deserved it, but he said that the medal was not for what he had done, it was for living with it." "This makes total sense to me, how are we to go on day to day and act as though nothing terrible happened?"

"Thank you for telling me this, I honestly have no idea how you always were able to do what you did in the CIA. After this, I understand why you chose to quit." "I'm sorry for being so angry at you, its just going to take me some time to be able to live with this terrible decision that I made personally. I Love you so much Elizabeth, and me being angry at you isn't going to change that. Ever." He stood still, causing her to stop beside him, pulling her in and looking into her eyes letting her know he meant it.

"He also said that we need to lead as wisely as we can, and carry the weight of our decisions as best as we can." she said to him, looking deep into his eyes. "Henry, I know you are so very torn by this, and I don't expect you to be okay with it, I'll never expect you to be okay with it, you're too good of a person to be okay with death of an innocent young man, but eventually you will understand that it was for the greater good. Dimitri had sacrificed his life so that millions of others could still have theirs." "I love you Henry and nothing is ever going to change that. Ever." she said back to him.

They had walked a little longer, catching up about the kids and talking a little bit about how he was really feeling, finally turning around heading back to the house. Saying good night to the girls they went up to bed, they had both had extremely long days the past few days, and not sleeping in bed together always made things worse on the tiredness scale. Embraced together for the first time in almost a week, they consoled each other the only way they knew how, their bodies moving together to the music of their hearts beating together as one. At last they were both able to fall asleep clinging on to each other with the hope that tomorrow would be a brighter day. Their love for each other always the anchor in the rough sea of life.


End file.
